Time to get caught up...meet Knox...

This entry is going to be long...as it should be! It is going to attempt to cover the last 2 or so years of our lives! In those 2 years, we added a child, sweet Knox, to our family and we went from having a 2 and a half year old and a 10 month old to having two 3 year olds and a 5 year old! Whew...what a ride it has been...

Here it goes.

It was a day in January. Honestly, I don't know which day it was. I really dont. If I am totally honest, I didn't pay attention to the date because I didn't think I would need to know it. Didn't think I would be writing a blog about my son and wishing I knew the date I first laid eyes on him. I know it was after the 18th of January because thats the last time I blogged!  Life really turned upside down from that post on...

I thought this was temporary...that this precious boy was merely passing through our lives "for a few short months" (according to the social worker)for us to love on, pray for and engage for the short time we "had him". Even as I write that, right this minute sitting in my dirty kitchen while he is asleep in the other room, my heart sinks. There is a heaviness to that day for me. I just didn't know. There is part of me that wants to say, in this chirpy voice that this day was one of the brightest, most beautiful days ever...well, thats just not how it was. IT was hard. It was the day we entered in to the pain of one very small, precious little boy. Sure, of course, no doubt it is a BEAUTIFUL story of Gods mercy and His desire to bring justice to that sweet little boy! Lemme tell ya there is nothing that can bring tears streaming down my face faster then when I really sit and think of the fact that God allowed me to be his Mom! He trusted me and Brian and Matthew and Anna Faith with this precious, fragile life. WHAT?! He could've done this without us. He could've saved you without us, but He allowed us in. For that, I am eternally grateful. Because he allowed me in, I get to call you SON! Be still my heart...I am honored!

Knox, I am writing this for you sweet boy. In the hopes that one day, you will read this and know how I love you and how The Lord fought for you. I am writing this so you know your story...and how it began and how Jesus came in a BIG ole fat beautiful way and interrupted your life to give you a re-set.  A new destiny. A new name. One that He knew all along. I am writing this, not to make you grieve your story...although you likely will have to. I am writing this so you know THE WHOLE story of His intense love for you.

So this is the face, and the first pictures we have of this sweet little boy...

Those pictures are sweet in many ways. I look into those eyes. The eyes of a boy named Dalton Manning Cannon. Eyes that, to me, dont look anything like the full, bright eyes of my son, Knox Manning Garrison. But that comes later...for now, I love the photo of the 3 of them because thats how it has been since day 1! Matthew and Anna Faith loved that little boy from day 1. He became one of them...one of the gang, literally, overnight!

Not long after we got Knox, he was ready to celebrate his 1st birthday. You see, we were what CPS calls a "safety plan" for Knox's biological parents. When CPS intervened, Knox's bio parents were suppose to be working their steps towards what the state of Texas calls "reunification". Well, they are young. And they struggled to do what they needed to do...for lots of reasons. Because of those struggles, Knox (at the time his name was Dalton) had been placed in a few different places from the time he was 3 months old. We were his 4th home in 11 months, and we were told we would take care of him until his bio parents achieved reunification or until their rights were terminated and he was placed for adoption. There is a much more detailed and broken story to all this, but those are Knox's details to share with the world. Suffice it to say, he was born in to a rough spot. So...we celebrated his 1st year of life on March 7, 2010. His bio parents came and a few of our close friends. He was loved on and got to eat cake...

I am so thankful I have those pics of his 1st birthday. I am so glad I got to celebrate his life, although, at the time, we did not even really know him that well. In retrospect, I am so thankful!

To make what could be a very long story, shorter...from the time we got Knox, we knew there was a bit of an uphill battle. He was delayed developmentally - which is what you would expect for a child with his story. He wasnt touched enough or cuddled enough in those first months. He was put on WAY too many meds that masked many underlying issues..and it affected everything. He started throwing up and having GI problems very early on. He was a sick little boy. We were in the ER those first 6 months maybe 5 or 6 times with breathing issues, and RSV a handful of times. It was rough and we were tired. He was hard. He was not ever happy. He never felt good. He was losing weight! NOT GOOD for a baby! He stopped eating and eventually stopped drinking. We didn't know how to help him. Remember, we had 2 other babies at this point who we longed to love on and get time with as well. But, we were engaged in a fight. A fight for him. A fight to get to the bottom of what was causing so many issues for him. He had never had anyone fight for him...and so we had to fight. Anyone would have done the same, when a child is suffering you engage it. You have to! So, we did. Over the next 2 years, we saw:

GI Specialist (x2)

Natural Medecine Docs (x2)

Nutritionists

Family Practice Docs

Pediatricians (x2)

ER docs (countless)

Hospitalists (5 or 6 at both Methodist and Baptist)

Infectious Disease Doc

Occupational Therapists

Speech Therapists

Respiratory Therapists

Pediatric Ear Nose and Throat

Lung Docs

When it all flushed out, our boy was diagnosed "failure to thrive", with severe food allergies and severe asthma.

Not good. Not fun. Does NOT define him. Not the end of his story!

Several months after we had gotten custody of Knox, his bio parents sat us down and explained that they understood from the judge that there is very little chance they would be getting him back. They told us they were so grateful for all we had done to take care of him and love him. They asked us if we would adopt him. We prayed, and fasted and prayed some more...and the answer was clearly, YES! And so, the adoption process started and we continued to try and get this boy well! There were really hard days when he was really really sick. I wasn't sure if he would live. I sat by his bed many nights at Children's Methodist Hospital and prayed and prayed for this sweet boy. My heart began to bond to him as more than "a child" I was fighting for. My heart began to fight for him as my son. There was a shift in that hospital room. It wasn't easy. I had some major, come to Jesus conversations with Jesus himself...it was needed and it was clear God was on the move.  I was beyond tired. So beyond sad. But The Lord began to graft him in as my son. How sweet it was to be experiencing that miracle of adoption again...

Thats all I got in me for today! Stay tuned...getting closer to being all caught up!

Im Back...and I have a lot of explaining to do and ADOPTION language!

So...the last time I posted, I was wrecked by a bunch of precious children in Haiti. God was moving my heart and I was convinced we would be adopting from that precious, beautiful, wrecked place! Well...not so much! As I sit here, you all know, that is not quite what The Lord had planned. Yes, in His wisdom, he saw fit (as I was preparing my heart and home and life for a dark brown beauty from across the globe) to bring me something so different..a white skinned angel from down the road! So...here I sit, having taken a VERY long break from The Blog-o-sphere with 3 babes, one from my womb and 2 through adoption...all of my heart! And WHOA the road it has been! So, I am writing to say, I am BAAACCCKKK! Let the blogging and rambling begin. Mainly because I SO loved my blog book from the first round...I figure my two younger babies deserve the same. :-) Oh, that and The Lord has walked me through some of the most challenging 2 years of my life. SIGH...I have so much to write about...pictures and stories will begin to unfold. I am sorry for those who know the stories. I am writing to chronicle and journal all I have skipped and missed! It will take time. Several posts...but I will do it. So, stick with me...or dont. I understand...this is for me and my babes...and those who care to follow! Peace and JOY to you and yours! Glad to be back

Okay, I am not done quite yet! What finally brought me back to the world of blogging was something that has been nagging on my brain. So here it goes. With NO sugar coating, BUT with all the grace and understanding I can muster! Here is the deal...I am gonna cut right to the chase. I know most people who I converse with have good intentions. I know that people are curious because how God has built my family, to some, may be intriguing and interesting. I LOVE to share what God has done...and will do so any time you are curious! About any and ALL of it. Brian and I are open books about our journey! We think its awesome and we love to share it.

That being said, My oldest son is 5 now. He is comprehending more and more in life and its beautiful to watch. He is sensitive and smart and funny and all those things that are precious to me and all parents. ONE of the things that makes his story unique is that he is adopted. A precious girl, whom we adore, chose to give him life. God allowed her to choose the place and family he would be raised in and be a part of! We are the lucky ones...and we know it! He made us parents. He is our first born. He is our oldest. He is precious in all ways! We are WIDE open with him about HIS story. As we are with Anna Faith and Knox as well. He knows he "grew in Jasmine's tummy." We have NOTHING to hide or disguise because his is a story of Gods goodness and faithfulness in the face of trials. His is a story of redemption and hope. His story reminds me of my salvation more than anything else. So, it is awesome and beautiful and we LOVE our "Open Adoption". Here is what I would like our community to know and understand. WE (Brian and I) are his "REAL PARENTS". Anna Faith and Knox are his "REAL SIBLINGS". Both my boys have biological siblings, yes. We love those children and pray those children will, at some point, have a special spots in my boys hearts. However, Matthew has 1 sister and 1 brother...God did that! He placed Matthew in a family...in THIS family! Same goes for Knox. Why am I rambling about this? Because, I have been asked some VERY sensitive questions in front of my 5 year old lately A LOT! I mean a WHOLE LOT! What are these questions, and how have they been asked? Like this:

"Does he ever get to see his real Mom?"
"Does he ever get to see his grandmother?" (referring to a biological grandparent)
"Does he have any REAL brothers and sisters?"
"How is his Mom?" (referring to his precious biological mom)
"Is that Knox's brother?" (referring to his biological brother)

Here is the thing...I have ALWAYS been asked these questions. And, assuming the best because I totally know what the person means, I simply answer the question. BUT, now, something has shifted in my heart. If I am honest, I use to think adoptive parents overreacted about the whole "using correct verbage" in adoption deal. I was often thinking, "come on...you know what they mean. We dont need to be sensitive or defensive people!" Well, that has changed because my precious 5 year old is old enough to look at me and say, "Why did they say that?" "What is a real Mom?" Or, the other day, when someone asked about Knox's "real" brother in front of Anna Faith, caused her to shout, "NO. I am Knoxy sister". I dont think she really understood what the conversation was about...or how fitting her words were :-). But the point is, maybe she did...or she will soon! So, with that heart, Its time for me to very simply stand and ask, on behalf of all 3 of my precious children...please be aware of your words when talking to ANY adoptive family. Birth parents can be referred to as birth or biological parents. Same with other biologically related siblings. I know that God made my family in a super cool way that has blessed my socks off, and I love my children and want to protect their hearts! Please know that we are their REAL parents! We are their REAL family! In EVERY WAY...by the GRACE of a very cool God!

From the bottom of my heart, I was NOT thinking of any single person when I write this. I cannot recall who has said this to me last or whatever...I just know, tonight, I hit a wall and needed to share! So, feel free to ask...a lot, and often! I love sharing our story in the hopes that it may glorify God in some cool way! Just please mind your words and pay attention to how you say things...ESPECIALLY in front of my precious children!

Thanks...glad to be back! What a way to re-enter...with a total rant! Forgive me! Thats something you may see..God has delivered me from being a people pleaser! YAY! So, sorry if you are not pleased...He is! :-)

Peace!

How can we help Haiti???

This is how...

I just talked to a woman for a long time at Dillon International (a faith based adoption and Orphan Care agency) and she said the best thing to do right now is to go donate on line at their website (www.dillonadopt.com) to get money directly to their directors that survived the quake. They have been in touch and everyone survived, however, they are running out of water and food and gasoline to keep the generators running. She also said they HAVE gotten approval to get some emergency visas for kids that were ready to be adopted... The State Department has approved that on our end...thank God! They are now waiting for a 'safe house' near the embassy to be set up so they can take the kids in to town and get the needed paperwork done so those kids can go home...its just not safe enough right now to travel with the babies! She also gave me this site...www.usfch.org...this is the Orphanage and Hospital they support through donations given on line. She said 100%, let me say again, 100% goes to these Orphans at this Hospital! As far as signing up now to be an adoptive family to a Haitian Orphan...it will be at least a year before kids who were Orphaned from the earthquake will be even considered for adoption...the priority, obviously, with these kids will be to reunite them with family, if any survived! Many people have asked, so I thought I would post this...please go check out these sites! They need so much right now!

I Dont Want to Raise Successful Children...

I read this article here and I was compelled by it. I was sort of stopped and wanted to go back and read it again. I think I read it 3 times. I think, on the surface, I know this is the 'right' thing but I wanted to check my heart on this topic. My deepest desire is not to shape my kids in to who I think they should become. We all have different measures of success. So, what in the world would that look like for my kids - or yours - or whatever... My deepest desire and prayer is that my 'will' and desires would be bent by Gods and that I would raise up my kids according to who HE created them to be! Not my version of my kids Lord - but YOURS! The examples she uses dont apply to my life, but they caused me to STOP and ask myself HOW I am praying for my kids? How I am dreaming for them? Am I listening to The Lord on their behalf instead of just praying into existence who I think they should become?! I long to go to their Creator for those dreams, and not impose my own. Anyway, I thought my friends in blog world may enjoy this...

I Dont Want To Raise Successful Children
by - Lysa TerKeurst

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

I don't want to raise successful children. That's a shocking thing to read, and a shocking thing for a mother to type. So, let me clarify.

I used to define success according to my child's report card. Good grades and academic achievement would surely equal a good child with great potential in this world. But then several of my children wound up being average students with average grades. Though we carted them off to tutors and spent many a late night at the kitchen table helping them, they remained average. And I remained concerned and frustrated.

One report card day I found myself facedown in the fibers of my carpet crying and wondering, "Where have I gone wrong as a mom?"

I dug into Scriptures. I begged God for wisdom and discernment. I prayed for God's perspective with each of my kids. Finally, one day it dawned on me - what if I simply chose to embrace the natural bent of each of my kids as God's way to protect them and keep them on the path toward His best plans for their lives?

What if my A student needs academic success to prepare her for God's plans while my average to below-average student needs to be steered away from a more academic future? What if my sports star kid needs that athletic excellence for his future assignments by God, but my benchwarmer kid is being protected from getting off course by her lack in this area?

And that's when it finally dawned on me. My job isn't to push success for my kids. My job as a parent is to recognize the unique way God created each child and point them to Jesus at every turn along their journey toward adulthood. Yes, I want my kids to learn and thrive and grow up educated, but it's not a flaw in me or them if they don't have straight A report cards and trophy cases full of sports medals.

Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" (NIV).

I am challenged to ponder these words, "… in the way he should go." Are we training our kids that the "way he should go" is to chase worldly achievement or to chase God? Whatever they learn to chase as a child, they will chase as adults. Therefore, we must be challenged to honestly assess the way we are pointing them to go.

My daughter, Hope, is one of my average students. She has also warmed many a bench in the sports she's tried, and can always be found hiding on the back row of the stage during school concerts. Using the world's benchmarks for achievement, Hope wouldn't be seen as a child positioned for success. But God…

This past January, my 15 year old Hope, shocked me when she announced she wanted to go to Ethiopia with some missionary friends of ours and live in the remote African bush for the summer. Yes, she may not have trophies and straight A report cards but she does have a heart of gold. And because she's not entrenched in sports and academic pursuits that could have created obligations for her summer, she was free to go to Africa. Free to chase God in a really big way.

One of the first e-mails she sent me from Ethiopia read, "Mom, I've fallen in love with the AIDS orphanage children. They rushed at me when I held my arms out and I tried with all my might to hold all 30 of them at once. I love it here."

Now, don't get me wrong. I do expect Hope to return to her studies this fall, give 100% effort, and finish her high school career having done her very best. She will most likely then go to college. But she probably won't be delivering the valedictorian address or wearing the honors cords and medals. She'll be the one with a vision of a dying AIDS orphan pressing against her heart ready to chase God's plans to the ends of the earth.

So back to my original statement, I don't want to raise successful children. It's true, I don't. Though Hope's sister coming behind her is an A student and can always be found on the front row of school performances - we don't chase after success for her either. I trust God that she needs those things in her life for the plans He's unfolding in her life. We train with that bent in mind. But, we don't chase it. Just like Hope, we point her in the direction of God at every turn and pray like crazy.

I stand by what I said and I'll say it again, I don't want to raise successful children. Because--- raising God-honoring adults who will set the world on fire for Christ is just so much more rewarding.

Dear Lord, being a mom is a really tough job. Please help me, teach me and show me how to define success for my kids. In Jesus' Name, Amen

A Sesame Street Sea World Morning with friends!

Jessica and I took our boys (or if you ask Matthew, the boys took their Mommies) on a date! Sea World breakfast with Sesame Street characters!

It was a great morning and afternoon complete with dolphin feeding, climbing all over a huge playground, the aquarium, etc...it was a great time with our boys!

Me and the boys. We walked a lot like this. One because we were trying to keep Ryan Tootle from roaming off with some stranger and two because Matthew wanted to be held a lot so I bribed him to walk by telling him he needed to hold 'Ryan Tootles' hand! Matthew LOVES 'Ryan Tootle' almost as much as he loves saying his name! Always first and last together!



We started off the morning with a buffet breakfast with lots of Sesame friends. Is this Oscar? I was really bad at knowing who any of these people were besides Cookie Monster...although Matty and Ryan loved the pink and orange girls with their 'pretty dresses'.



The best date a girl could have!!



I am not sure who cute orange girl is, but the boys loved her!



We walked over to a HUGE playground that had several rope climbing walls, slides, tubes to crawl through...we often call Matty 'Monkey' because he LOVES to climb anything and everything, so he was a happy boy!






LOVE this photo - so cute they are! Melts my heart. And please note the awesome bed head that my sweet Matty REFUSED to let me fix before we left the house. I told Jess it looks like he has one of the "bump its" in his hair to make it look poofy!



The highlight for the boys at breakfast (besides the Fruit Loops and being with thier Mommies) was Bert and Ernie for sure. Bert and Ernie were so great with them..they stayed at our table and played with them for a while! I do not remember their noses being so HUGE...they were the size of the boys heads I swear...and Bert had this panic look on his face that really made me laugh!



Honk Honk! Matthew honked his Berts nose so hard his head almost came off! HA



Prettiest boys I ever saw!



I have to admit, I liked feeding the dolphins just as much as Matthew did! Minus the slimy dead fish, of course!





Sweet boys enamored with the dolphins!



Jessica and I laughed at this poor shark...he looked like he was missing a top lip...so wierd looking!

Thanksgiving in Dallas

WE went to Dallas to be with Brians Mom and Family for Thanksgiving! It was so fun to be with family that we dont get to see very often! And, 'Grandpa Eddie' is a professional chef so we do a lot of watching and eating...the food is always out of this world!

Anna with 'Grandpa Eddie'



Matthew after he got in to Mommys make-up!



Matthew and Anna working together to "cook dinner" according to Matthew! They are starting to play together now which is so fun!



After we were good and stuffed, we went to play at the park near 'Grandma's' House. It is the same park Brian played in when he was a little boy!



Anna's first time to swing...she loved it! This is one of those pics you need to click on to see her sweet face close up! Such a happy girl!



the 3 things I am most thankful for!



Mommy and Baby Girl!



'Grandma' and Matthew playing together...sweet memory I had to capture...



THanksgiving morning with Dad! I LOVE footie PJ's!

Things I dont want to forget...

We got our blog printed out...its amazing. We went to www.blog2print.com and ordered it and it came in a great hard back version. Matthew loves it, and always asks to see our "special book". So, being that this is officially our family/baby book, I need to keep track of all the little things I always say I dont want to forget!

MATTHEW - 2 years and 8 months:

You LOVE to sing and play guitar! I have to get good video of it because you look up, close your eyes and totally jam out!

You love to play "super guy" with your Daddy! You use this big guy voice and scrunch up your face like you are so serious and say, "Momma, I save you, I super guy. I have a stone like David"

If you are in a "mood" and know you are about to be disciplined, you will say, "I not obey Momma, you no put me in time out" pointing your little finger at me! Can you say strong-willed?!?!

EVERYTHING is a gun...a straw, a pencil, a crayon, a hammer, your hand - everything. Your favorite thing to play is "fire gun" with sound effects and all!

Yesterday, you woke up and the first thing you said when you saw your Dad was, "come on Dad, lets go shoot the dear!" So funny...I mean, Brian hunts, but not that much! How does he come up with those things.

You LOVE to pretend now. Its so cute. You make us lunch and check our temp and put us to bed and pretend like you are our "Daddy" so sweet

Last week, you said, "I want a baby brother and another baby sister and we will name the boy Samuel". Okay then!

You run and fall and jump and wrestle and dance and hop and move ALL THE TIME!

You love to sing Jesus loves Me, Away in A Manger, ABC's, Veggie Tales songs, etc...

When we get in the car, you find something that will reach the seat in front of you and say, "come on Momma, lets drum"

You love to make lists and run through what we are going to de step by step...at night, you will say, "Okay Mom, FIRST, we are gonna take a bath, THEN we will brush a teeth, then we will put on 'Poojays', then read a book, then Night Night....oh wait wait, I forgot to pray"...and the list starts all over!

You call your Pajamas 'Poojays"

You LOVE your cowboy boots! You want to wear them with everything! Even your poojays!

You love to wear hats...helmets, hardhats, whatever - all the time!

You are so funny and you LOVE to make us laugh! Especially when you know you are headed to time out!

Every morning, the first thing you say is, "is Anna awake?" You love her SO much!

The other day, one of my friends asked Matthew if he knew what his name meant and the conversation went like this,

Amanda - "Matty, do you know what your name means?"

Matthew - "Yes, My name means Matthew Josiah Garrison"

Amanda - "Thats great Matthew! That is your name. Do you know what it means?"

Matthew - "Yes, it means, I'm gonna shoot a dear!"

Amanda - (laughing hysterically) "Oh gosh Matthew. Thats not what your name means, your name means 'Gift from God'"

Every night before you go to bed, we pray and you say the same prayer with us every night, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might! And love your neighbor as yourself"

I love you my sweet passionate, smart, handsome boy!

ANNA FAITH - 8 months

You weigh about 17 pounds

You have 5 teeth. 2 of which are the top ones which totally change the way you look...makes you look like such a big baby girl!

You smile with your whole body still...and always the biggest at your brother who you adore.

You are still VERY laid back and gentle, but are getting more of an opinion all the time!

You threw your very first fit a few days ago...I laid you down to change your diaper and off you went, arching your back, screaming, kicking! It made me laugh so hard because I have never seen you do that!

You are a major paci girl...love your paci when its bed time...it serves like a switch to get you to sleep!

You seem so little to us because your brother was so solid and chunky and big at your age. In reality though, you are just about the 50th percentile in everything.

You are crawling...full on! My how life changes when babies become mobile! You are busy busy exploring your world and of course, everything goes in your mouth.

You have your Daddy's disposition for sure! So peaceful, gentle and calm and yet a little spice and strength when you least expect it!

You are not a fan of all the cute bows I bought you. You wrestle and grunt at me when I try to fix your bow...I did not think it would start this soon!

We love you sweet tender baby girl!