A few months back when Matty had his double ear infection, I remember holding him ALL day and just thinking about all these things. I journaled some of them...
I didnt know how, when you were so tiny, my chest would ache and feel tight because I loved you so much!
I didnt know that how intense the joy is when you smile at me.
I didnt know that I would love 2 little teeth SO much. I mean, who cares right, everyone has teeth! But those first two teeth are the cutest things I have ever seen.
I didnt know that your giggle would sound like a cackle and that I would do just about anything to hear it.
I didnt know how much I would care about a really good poopy diaper...means all the pipes are working right, and I didnt know that would matter so much to me.
I didnt know how I would think, almost every day, about how to get you to understand how much you are loved. I dont know how to do that. I didnt know it would comsume my thoughts. I am going to mess this up at some point, if I havent already. Are you going to know, even then, how much your Mommy loves you? Oh Lord, I hope you know.
I didnt know that your name would be who you are...Matthew Josiah...God totally named you!
I didnt know how much I would care about your fine little brown hair...every one of them. I look at them when you are sleeping and when I am feeding you and I think they are precious. I love your hair. It is fuzzy and fine and I love it. Scripture says that God knows the number of hairs on our head. I get that now...I get why He cares. We are His children and you are mine and I care about every little hair on your head.
I didnt know that having you would heal a place in my heart I did not know was wounded.
I didnt know that loving you would teach me more about how much God loves me than anything else ever could
I just didnt know...
I didnt know that I would pray for you to be passionate and funny and loving...I wonder who you will be!
I didnt know that your Daddy is who he is...you have brought out the life in him and awakened a place in him that I did not know was there.
I didnt know your Daddy would cry when he talks about how much he loves you and how worth it you are to put his whole heart on the line...
I didnt know that I would want to take ALL the ache in your ears and put it in my body...I hate it when you hurt
I didnt know how precious 2 little fat feet would be. Knowing those are the feet you will walk on and run on as you grow.
I just really did not know!
Kai and Matthew in a stare off...Kai is thinking, "Why does he get to live inside ALL the time?"
Bo an Kai and Matty. Bo LOVES Matthew. Kai could care less. I think she just realized Matthew lives here about 2 weeks ago. Bo knows where to go for a little treat.
We spend all this money on toys and this is what they really want!
I have a high chair...SO BIG!
"Hey, Mom, these sweet potato puffs are so good! Are you bringing me more...dont hold back on me!"
5 comments:
and i didn't know how much of a reflection of God's love you are, Court...Matty is one blessed little 7 month old!
He's totally changed! Holy cow! What a cutie!
I found your page through Amanda's. What a sweet poem! It is crazy how much we love them, right? I am so grateful for all that they teach us!
I love that you journaled those things and will be able to share them with Matthew when he is older-what a legacy!
You've got to make a blog book Courtney. You are so gifted with words. The love never stops growning. AND never stop blogging your so good at it.
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