Saturday, June 28, 2008

Thoughts..

have been wanting to post, but have been in one of those modes of life where...well, it could be a very thoughtful and deep post. So, I have sat down with my thoughts and my journal twice to try and post, but my thoughts don't seem formed yet...so, I push the computer away and have not posted in weeks. Our family has had SUCH a FUN FUN FUN summer so far. We've played and laughed and swam and giggled and been really blessed with life.

At the same time, I have been "thoughtful" lately. I have been thinking SO much about the beauty and mystery of adoption. Wondering what Jesus wants me do with all the things he has taught and showed me. I've been asked a lot lately about the adoption and where we are. When my response is "we are really at the same place", my sweet friends hearts sink a little and I see it in their faces. It makes me feel loved. Reminds me how Brian and I have not been alone on our journey. Thats awesome! That sounds like a trivial response to all of you who have walked through the last 5 or so years with us, but I don't really know that I have words other than...just awesome! Really awesome.

I wonder a lot lately about racial issues. Why do we have the views of other races that we do?

I wonder a lot lately about the poor. They matter so much to Jesus. I want to be with them and learn from them. From their purity and their hearts. I want to give what I have been given. But, do I do it from the right posture? My heart is pure, I think, in my desire to be with them.

I wonder a lot about spiritual gifts and things of the Spirit. I have SO MUCH to learn. I wonder so much about this.

I wonder about my wounds. Why I take offense when I do. Why I hold on too tight to people I love. Why I still feel "I am on the outside looking in" in so much of life. I want to be less prideful, more humble. I dont want to be opposed by God. Which is what the Word says about "the proud"

Wondering about healing. About asking for it, praying for it, looking for, trusting in it. Why doesn't it happen every time?

I found this quote and it spoke to me...

Ecclesiastes 7:4 states, “Sadness is better than laughter, for sorrow has great influence over us.”

I believe that part of the message within this passage is that the tears we cry in the midst of our pain, God uses—much like water softens hardened ground—to tenderize our hearts so we may have a greater understanding of suffering and have compassion on a suffering world, a world that doesn’t know our Heavenly FATHER, the one who adopted us.


So, I have been pondering a lot. This little man has taught me about joy and gifts.



When I took this picture, I looked at it and thought...this is how My Father sees me. My Heavenly Father. What if I approached him like this every moment of every day. What if I trusted that looking to him and raising my hands and life to him like this really made a difference?!?

I fear I write down more personal things than anyone really wants to hear...however, here it is. The Garrison family...

11 comments:

Kara said...

Thank you for your honesty, Court. I crave real thoughts from others, the good stuff. This verse is the perfect verse for my next letter to Clif. He is a bit depressed recovering from his brain injury and in search of what God wants him to learn. I pray for things like this to be set before me...and here it is. God listens AND delivers when the time is right. I wish I had God's clock...man, that would make life easier!

Here is the verse from last week. I think it applies to everyone...

Hebrews 12:11
"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

No pain....no gain, right!

Love You,
Kara

Sylvia and Daniel said...

Court, thank you so much for your honesty and vulnerability. It really is refreshing. Praying for you guys always!

Syl

Pam said...

What a ray of sunshine you always are. How honest you are and how we all have thoughts of our own and questions and ponder them all.Love that you have shared them. Makes for good conversation and growing and learning.
You have shown and expressed your gratitude and love for all that the Lord has blessed you with.

jen byard said...

I love that...a glimpse into where you are, that no adoption report could give! The paragraph after the verse was beautiful and so true and real, our pain does create a yearning to reach out to those who are suffering and gives us a level of compassion we couldn't be capable of without it. Looking forward to camp with you!

Martha said...

You express what's in your heart so well! You are such a precious child of God, Court, and I would guess that He is well pleased!! The verse you wrote reminded me of a quote from the book "The Shack." Pam M. found the quote--"Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."

Love ya!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Court,
The verse you shared reminded me of one I love to use in counseling and has spoken to me many times.
2 Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. It is interesting for me to see that there are two different kind of sadness and that one brings us to life.
During worship I cry often and it is many times a sad cry filled with repentance and healing at the same time.
Anyway just some thought inspired by your posting. Much love from Hungary!

Tootle Family said...

courtney, I love your relationship with God. No, I don't know all the details of it, but I just love how you're so honest with your thoughts and questions for him.

i miss you soooo much. We need to get together soon!

Ryan Miller said...

beautiful post!
beautiful family!
beautiful G-d!

raenette said...

I love your heart! I grew up in a family( my grandparents mostly not my parents) where race mattered a ton! I grew up in a town where there was no other race but white. When I went off to school I sat next to an African American in a classroom for the 1st time. I became very close to him. My roomate dated a guy who was black and my grandparents had a fit that one of my best friends was dating a black person. I never really thought about how sad it is until I got older and had Zane. I never want him to have to go through the struggles of what color of friend he can have.
Spiritual gifts..well, that is too long for me to comment on and we talk about it some in our acacia. My view is somewhat different than those in our group. I grew up very charasmatic and I believe in every gift. I believe that....well, just ask me sometime too long to post.

Nicole Svendsen said...

courtney, what great thoughts you wonder...pondering the mysteries of God. Thank you for sharing your heart. It sharpens others to read such things:)

The Grays said...

SOOO good to catch up yesterday! Give that sweet boy a kiss from Kirby and me!!